Hi There:

I have gotten to the point of people pleasing where I am now depressed. Before I start I was at my dad’s house this morning and even though he was joking around, he started making fun of my writing. I can take a joke, but when it comes to my writing, it actually hurts my feelings. Because I struggled so much in school.

Then I went to the bank this morning and I thought the teller saw me when I walked in and I waved to her. I don’t think she saw me because she was waiting on another customer, and talking to him about xmas(but maybe she did)

I have been friendly with her, because I see her all the time in the bank. So after she was done with the guy I asked her how she was and wished her happy holidays.

She seemed(but I keep thinking maybe she was mocking my holiday wishes, it was just the way she was responding) to appreciate it, but I can’t help to think that maybe part of her never really wanted to speak to me because she didn’t acknowledge me when I came in.

When I left the bank. I overheard her say to the other teller, he is such a sweetheart. I keep wondering if she was talking about me or the guy she was talking to before. There convseration also seemed to be pleasant.

I guess I am a little paranoid as well, because I keep thinking they were saying bad things about me when I left.

If you saw me you would never think my thought patterns are so self-destructive.

Ps-I was talking to my cousin about this and not exactly sure if heard her right or if I took it in the right context, but she said someone might think someone is an ahole if someone does not wave or say hello to someone they know. Sometimes I am inhibited by my voice obsession(which I have mentioned here before) and don’t always say hello or wave to people. So maybe some people think I am jerk or or an ahole.

I know I am a nice guy though in general & people tell me the same

I know all this worrying is probably needless, but I am struggling with it.

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