Some days I lie in bed,
Thinking, "hey, today's going to be a good day,"
I get up in a happy mindset
I pour some cereal in a bowl
But as I raise my spoon to eat that first bite,
"shit they found me"
I feel the black presence leaping from the neurons in my brain
I feel them coating every happy thought in a rich luscious coat of sticky black paint
I remember "today is a bad day."

I am virtually friendless and homeless for three weeks and counting. Fuck this. You cant just take the two stable things that made me the most happy and the most comfortable away, and expect me to be ok with it. You especially can't do that shit to someone who already is mentally unstable. She wonders why I'm in a pissy mood consantly and why I'm short with her? She wants to know why I'm so moody lately? I'll tell you why bitch, it's because you're so goddamn stupid. You pretend like you're a good parent and like youve got things under control, when all that you fucking do is sit on your lazy ass and just hope and wish for an apartment to open up and wait for you. This is San diego dumb bitch you can't just say I want an apartment and expect instant gratification. At the same time you should have ben preparIng for this months ago, you're expected to be able to provide a home for our children. See I'm smart enough to understand that we probably won't get an apartment, the funny thing is, that you're so naive to believe that anytime some apt managers assistant calls you and tells you there is some hope, you get so excited and stir up hope. You count your chickens before they hatch and your niavety has caused me to be stupid and actually believe you that we won't be living with your parents forever. But no, then I remember that I'm the only smart realistic one in this family and that I can't trust you ever because all you fucking do is get my hopes up that maybe I'll have a home again and I can start making friends and having a slightly normal life again, but then no something happens to remind us both of your stupidity.

I can't deal with not having friends anymore, sure I have my old friends I'm still on contact with , but if I'm Down I can't just go hangout with them to feel better, I can't hug any of my friends or even see them. I'm not part of their world anymore, I'm not a part of what used to be my entire world. And that crushes me.

I'm sick and goddamn tired of living out of my suitcase, packing backpacks and switching homes every few nights. I love my grandparents to death but I'm sick of their bitching, all my grandpa does is bug me about my future, who gives a fuck?! I have my future taken care of so don't you worry about it. And all my grandma does is bitch at me about keeping my room clean and making sure I eat my vegetables and dRink milk every day. I'm a fucking adult I can take care of myself so STOP TREATING ME LIKE A FUCKING CHILD. I can't live this way anymore, it's pushing me over the edge. Help.

Man what I would do to have a truck run me over while I cross the street right now.



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