First of all, I want to thank everyone who read my blog and gave me the much needed support with what I'm dealing with. Many of you are quite right ~ I do believe Aaron loves me with all of his heart and that this is a fantasy for him that presented itself on a silver platter. What man (excuse me for generalizing, I know there's some of you that wouldn't) wouldn't take that opportunity? I should say there are a lot of people that would take that opportunity, not just men.
As for marital therapy, I agree that it would be a very good idea. We've often talked about how difficult it is for him to verbalize what he's feeling and thinking inside. The big problem is money at this point. With all my therapist and doctor's appointments, plus Zach's therapy ~ there just isn't enough to really go around. I guess I'll have to find a way to do it, even if we can only go once a month. I believeit would do us both good in a lot of ways. Convincing him to go is also going to be difficult ~ but I think considering how much this has negatively affected us he may change his tune.
As for me, I'm trying very hard to let this go. I'm happy to admit that no one had sex with anyone else during this scenario, so I don't feel absolutely eaten up with guilt. But still, this is NOT who I am normally. This is part of the reason I don't drink ~ I discovered this side of my personality in college and wanted to bury it forever. I think it has to do with the fact that I'm so sexually-inhibited due to the sexual molestation in my childhoodand when I drink too much the inhibition goes away. Or when I'm manic it sometimes happens ~ they call it hypersexuality. But it's a VERY unusual state for me. And I've never done anything like this.
Anyhow, I don't really blame my therapist, but I do wish she had given me some more input on what she meant about "sexual exploration". I don't think she intended it to be THIS kind of exploration though.
But on to other things. I had to get up early this morning to go to my doctor's visit (just my family doc) to get my semi-annual check-up done. I have lost 20 pounds, my resting heart rate has gone from 82 to 64, and my blood pressure is great! I'm so proud of myself! All of this exercise is really paying off and it's showing. I'm back into clothes I stopped being able to wear over a year ago. It's so nice to feel good in them again and feel confident about wearing them. Aaron was telling me it was time to get a new bathing suit because when we went to the beach on Sunday it was sagging on me, lol. But the summer season for swimming is almost over, so I'll just wait a year. By then I may be too thin for ANY of the bathing suits I have. I sure hope so!!
So we have added another animal to the household. And I'm proud to say I didn't have anything to do with it! My Mom brought home this little black cat with green eyes and named her Jewel. She's full grown but very small, she can't weigh more than 7 pounds at most. But she's a very sweet girl. Even with as afraid and stressed as she was last night if you petted her she would give you kisses and rub on your hand. She's going to have to be an inside cat because she'sbeen declawed. But I thinkthat's what she's used to. Yesterday we kepther inMom's room with the door closed so that she would feel saferin her environment and all the new smells and sights. We would periodically go in and see her for a few moments at a time. Today she's not hiding under the bed anymore but has found a new hiding spot up on Mom's desk. She's slowly coming around.It will take a couple of weeks for her to get comfortable. Zachary is so excited that he can't standit, lol.
Speaking of Zachary, I have to go make him lunch and feed the birds. Maybe I'll have something to eat too. We tried to go exercising yesterday but got rained out before we finished our first 1/2 mile. Booo! Hopetoday is better weather.Wish you all a good Tuesday, and thank you again for all the responses.