I’m not sure really what I want to put here. I’m almost just killing time before my Therapist appointment. So what’s new to me besides trying new medication that is prescribed by a doctor, is the fact that I haven’t used illegal drugs to try to cope with any of life’s curveballs for 158 days now; and I have made a goal. Staying clean is the easy part for me now, its trying not to reinstate the addict behaviors that’s tricky. Trying not to obsess over anything  and let it just happen the way it should happen. I’ve set a goal to buy a sailboat that I can live on, and now I’m just trying not to jump on the goal asap just because “I want it and I want it NOW” as I’ve always done before. I need to let myself have time to find the right boat for me and its not going to happen overnight. I’ve never had a goal before and its odd to me. What’s ever odder is when my sponsor asks if “I’ve prayed on it?” I don’t know what that’s going to do. I’ve never really prayed and when I think of praying it seems petty to me. Like asking for something because I think I deserve it? Or asking  a higher power for help as if they have nothing better to do then help? I will eventually maybe try it but it just feels arrogant in a way to me. I don’t know maybe I’m bitter for all the times I haven’t won the lottery! Anyway I have a goal and I will accomplish it, just not right now.

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