I’m not sure really what I want to put here. I’m almost just killing time before my Therapist appointment. So what’s new to me besides trying new medication that is prescribed by a doctor, is the fact that I haven’t used illegal drugs to try to cope with any of life’s curveballs for 158 days now; and I have made a goal. Staying clean is the easy part for me now, its trying not to reinstate the addict behaviors that’s tricky. Trying not to obsess over anything¬† and let it just happen the way it should happen. I’ve set a goal to buy a sailboat that I can live on, and now I’m just trying not to jump on the goal asap just because “I want it and I want it NOW” as I’ve always done before. I need to let myself have time to find the right boat for me and its not going to happen overnight. I’ve never had a goal before and its odd to me. What’s ever odder is when my sponsor asks if “I’ve prayed on it?” I don’t know what that’s going to do. I’ve never really prayed and when I think of praying it seems petty to me. Like asking for something because I think I deserve it? Or asking¬† a higher power for help as if they have nothing better to do then help? I will eventually maybe try it but it just feels arrogant in a way to me. I don’t know maybe I’m bitter for all the times I haven’t won the lottery! Anyway I have a goal and I will accomplish it, just not right now.

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