The Saddest Things Can Be Funny

Some of the best friends I've ever had, I met here. But like all things, you have to take the good with the bad. This past week, I think I could accurately characterize as bad. You know how you read that we should be open spiritual beings, with good energy, ready for service to our fellow man, and if you read further, you will find them saying that to do all that, you must first love yourself and take care of yourself. Not much is ever said about money or if you're a woman. I could go rounds on this subject but I'll save that rant for another day.

All my insignificant life, all I ever dreamed of or wanted, really the main thing that kept me alive, was horses. I know it might sound cliche' or silly or immature, but it is what it is. And this past week, I had a really lovely horse-woman offer to give me the horse dreams are made of. She just wants to give him to me. Now to be sure, I will have to work for him, and work harder than I ever have in my entire life, or I don't deserve him. Funny, how my mind and my body told me at this stage of the game, I could kick back and do things with my hands, like sew and paint, and learn things, (my excuse to read)… I watched my dreams of having a nice little organic farm flush down the proverbial toilet, and I had my heart broken in the most unexpected way, never would have dreamed that could have happened to me… thought I was all grown up and too smart for the likes of such youthful nonsense… but to care and share, means you're pretty much all vulnerable like that… you gotta take what comes… most times…

So here comes this lady with an awesome fine rig. You know the deal, big huge diesel truck with fancy lights, radios, a real cowboy's dream, and a three-horse fifth-wheel with living quarters up front, in other words, you can go anywhere in this rig… anywhere… oh my heart…. (I'm so much a grounded gypsy right now, and this lady has no idea…) she doesn't know me…

So for some unbelievable reason, even more bizzarre than aliens, she wants me to have, help, love, care for, her best horse, who is a Tennessee Walking Horse cross Saddlebred. And we both think he must be a human reincarnated to a horse for some reason, because he is incredibly funny and crazy and silly and he also knows what he wants. He was the stallion in a place that was wild the first five years of his life, with lots of mares so he is used to being in charge. He's all calmed down now and has been trained, certified, as a "healing horse" because he works with autistic children, kids with MS, and any person, kid or otherwise that needs to be around the love of a horse. This guy won't budge or move if little kids have built a tent underneath him, and that's happened! There's a thousand stories about this horse already and he's only ten years old.

He's mostly white, but he's a Black/White paint horse. But his head is slim with a long nose, and it's all Black, my friend says that's the TW horse in him. His wide long soft and comfy back is the Saddlebred, and when he moves it's smooth as ice… for someone like me with back issues, and getting older, this horse is pure gold, nothing less…

But I don't have a chainsaw anymore. Mine got taken and when I got it back I could never get it to run again. Others have tried. I just need a new one. A bigger one. I have lots of tree work. Most strong grown men won't even try to do it, mostly cause they know I'm broke. So I will have to do this tree-felling work myself before a horse can come here. There are too many big dead ones that weigh a billion pounds and when they come down, it's quick and the earth shakes. You can't have T-posts around horses, you at least have to cap them off. So i have a jillion of these things to either take out and replace with cedar from the trees I cut, or buy the ugly plastic caps. A LOT of work partners. And dammit. My back hurts. And my doctor doesn't give one flip that it does, in fact he doesn't even believe me. That gets me. I really needed a good doctor I could trust. I can't trust this guy. As far as I'm concerned, he's careless. And that's no good at all. And that's the nicest thing I can say.

So by now you get it. You've either buzzed off to some romantic drama of epic nature, or you're still hanging on to see what the point is, or what important bit of wisdom I might have to impart. It SUX! That's the wisdom. The most beautiful perfect animal on the planet is being handed to me, and I can't take him. I'm too broke, and besides that, I've got a narcisstic 60 yr. old guy to deal with. One thing to remember young folks, is that with age people can and do change. What you had at 35 is not necessarily anything like what you will have at 55. Trust me on that.

Last nite when I couldn't sleep and I felt so lonely and useless, I thought of Bat. His name is Batman because he has the shape of the real Batman as his STAR on his forehead, YES!! A white batman shape against the black of his beautiful head. So his name is Batman and he mostly gets called Bat. My friend is not quite ready to let him go, and she knows when she does, it will be gradually, so there is no real issue at the moment other than my lack of patience and feeling of hopelessness. The county is taking more than half of my monthly income for taxes on this place, so there is NO wiggle room for anything, much less a beautiful big fat horse boy that deserves only the very best… 🙂

Life is a bunch of stinkin' lessons to learn. Most of them unpleasant. What I do know is that when something life-changing like this comes along, you just gotta ride it out. You do whatever mental imaging you need to focus on to get back to a happier place. It may never be that dream, that magnolia-lined driveway to the house with the big columns, and beautiful horses are part and parcel of every day, no… that time has long passed… I just hope that they still have horses in a hundred years… for the sake of all the people, I pray that one with all I am…