I'm 40 years old and this is my first blog ever! But I thought if ever there was a time in my life to record for posterity or whatever that time is NOW!!!Lets see,… I'm Rapid Cycling Bi-Polar and 6 months ago I was working as a Medical Assistant, had a nice 2 bedroom apt, and a very nice 3 year old car.Not to bad, so I decided to leave my apt and move in with my girlfriend and her 3 kids ( big step, especially since it was the first time doing the whole domestic family thing,…. But hey, I waited until I was 30 to have sex {BY CHOICE} but I digress).Then 2 months ago I lost my job, and with my being bi-polar that meant depression and constant anxiety about being able to support my family ( including the payments and insurance for the mini-van I financed when hers was stolen).I NEVER was mean to her or her 3 kids, I thought of them as my own and the 4 yr old & the 10 yr old who had cerebral palsy even called me Dad!But with my depression I was stressed and felt overwhelmed and when I need a couple of hours to myself from time to time to get my brain “slowed down” she complained that I was withdrawing and that I was choosing to do it, even after I spent 4 hours online gathering info on BPD for her!On October 10th 2012 @ 5:30pm, I was just finishing getting dinner ready and she said she didn't see this working out.So now I am living in the mini-van behind my churches youth center, I'm gonna have to tell the bank to repo the car and have had no luck finding work as a RMA or as a Truck-driver which i did for about 10 years.My mood is up and down, and constantly scared!!! And every night I look up at the roof of the mini-van and wonder how the hell did this happen, and thank God I found a Doctor who is paying for my medications!!!I don't know if this is what a blog is for but if not then don't read any more, because I'm going to try to keep writing because,… What the hell it can't hurt!Remember “We may be broken but put all of us together and,….well you got a big ass box of parts!!!!” B@8{>} #Â¥. ;(;£^•~^

3 Comments
  1. RZA324 7 years ago

    This is exactly what its for! Wishing you good vibes

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  2. borntired 7 years ago

    wow you have been through the wringer. so sorry for all that is going on

    could you take another job in the mean time while you are looking or do you still get unemployment

    I do withdraw at times too, i tell my husband it is part of my coping when i get a lot of anxiety, he doesn't understand it either

    about once every 2-3 months my counselor has him come in so he can re explain everything for him

    hugs to you and keep writing, this is what this place is for

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  3. Classic_Reader 7 years ago

    Sorry things are so rough for you right now. I hope it all turns around.

    I have Bipolar Disorder too with rapid  cycling. It's tough, really tough. But, I suppose that's why we came to DT.

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