I'm trying to sorta think about things that bother or upset me for therapy and I've decided to try to stream such thoughts through my blog so that maybe I can remember them for my next appointment. So here we go…warning: I'm angry. =/

Upon reaching the room my class is in, I was greeted with a "hey" from a girl I've had several classes with since last year. Despite speaking with this girl many times, she'd apparnetly forgotten my name over the summer – assuming she ever knew it in the first place. She's nice enough but she's arrogant and self-centered. Every word out of her mouth is about herself. Every. Single. Word.

She talks about the weather and how it makes her feel. She talks about her poetry class, about the photos she took for her project, about her boyfriend, about going shopping, about her major, etc.. Anything she thinks and feels, basically. And she ignores me.

Oh but see, I exist when she needs someone to babble to. I'm that idiot for her, one of the many people who are supposed to worship her. She can't be bothered to take an interest in anyone but herself. For example, she showed me some pictures she took a few weeks ago and when I tried to show her some of mine, she ignored me.

Anyways, she said "hey" to me today, as previously mentioned, and when she began talking, I sorta spaced out a little. I can only listen to her MEMEMEMEMEMEME talk for so long… I came back into the conversation right as she began discussing something new, I didn't know what. So I asked, "For what?" She didn't answer. I waited until there was a pause in her conversation. "For what?" Still no answer. So I turned away.

This is a pretty common problem in my major. I know of at least 4 or 5 know-it-alls in my class that never do anything wrong and love to show off. They disgust me. Did I ask you to show me your Facebook page and start showing me pictures of yourself? No, I didn't. Maybe this obnoxious self-love you have going on is why your parents don't even want you to come home over the summer? I mean, my parents are asking when I'll be back the same week I leave and yours are telling you to not come back. Gee, I wonder why.

Did I ask you to tell me about your game designer boyfriend? No, and I'm not impressed. He probably won't get a job anyways, it's a highly competitive field so don't start bragging yet, honey. It's not much different than saying, "My boyfriend is a musician". This fact doesn't automatically mean he'll ever be famous so get over yourself.

Do you really think I want to see photo after photo after photo of yourself? I mean, really…the professor gives us assignment after assignment after assignment and you seriously find a way to put at least one photo of yourself into every single one? Did it never occur to you that you are boring, unimaginative, and arrogant? And btw, good job on pissing off the professor. Did you really think it smart to tell her how to do her job? You're just a kid to her! And you're trying to teach her how to do something she's done for years?! Moron…

And oh, blondie? I don't need to hear you comment on every single action you take in our Web class. I don't want to listen to you exclaim, "Oh crap! I clicked the wrong button! I really don't get why this is doing this. Oh nooooo! Jenna, help me! Why is this doing this? This isn't cool guys, not at all! Whaaaaat? Aww man, this doesn't make sense!" I have had at least two classes with you and it is the same thing time and time again. What makes you think that the entire class wants to hear you? And no, you aren't a model just because you are skinny, have no boobs, have long blonde hair, and have a smushed face like Kate Moss. Get over it. Done hearing about your "modeling" as a "hobby" because some photo students took your picture. I'm not buying this humble, sweet act. You are very transparent – I can tell you are full of yourself.

I feel lost in a sea of people. I'm not anchored to anything. I lack an identity. I am nondescript. I am so invisible that no one listens to me. Hell, the "hey" girl with the game designer boyfriend even outright ignored me when I advised her not to wait until the last minute to do her website. Today, she said, "Well you have done this before so it was probably easy for you" like she was brushing off the fact that I was the only student in the entire class that finished their site early – and didn't make anyone's eyes bleed in the process. So I responded, "Well, I've had a similar class but the professor never really taught us much so I still don't know everything which is why I'm in this class."

She walked away while I was mid-sentence.

I'm done with this. I'm done listening to people talk about themselves when they can't be bothered to listen to me. Such rudeness, such a lack of respect. Just don't talk to me anymore, I'm going to be as rude as you are to me. I don't need "friends" like that so fuck off.

(BTW, each of those "mini rants" above are about different people. I really wasn't kidding about knowing 4 or 5 self-absorbed people…)

1 Comment
  1. ancientgeekcrone 10 years ago

    I think that you should print out your blogs and take them with you.  I think there is a gold mine in them for you and your therapist.

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