I don't really know how to start a blog, or how to become involved in this site really, ahaha. However, I shall my best!
Urmm where to start?
First of all, I have been self harming for around 6 months now (give or take.) To be honest, I myself don't really know why I started in the first place.
You all know how hard it is talking about this…thing we have. Ill try my best to explain my situation.
I was always happy and I went out all the time. I had a few friends but hated most ahaha. I always surrounded myself with people who I would help massively but they wouldnt help me. I always try my best to help people out and to be there for them, but I get nothing back in returned. This hurt me massively and I started to pull away from friends.
Over time, I became lonely. I still went out and acted normal but no one ever asked how I was feeling. They didnt know, I felt worthless and pathetic every time I cried.
Honestly I could try and explain but i really dont know how too.
I just think every day I'm better off dead.
My friends think I'm fine and my mother thinks its just a 'pharse' and nothings wrong.
I had to vist the doctors 9 times without anyone by myside. Im only 16 and to try and explain to someone you were heading towards a motorway bridge to commit, isnt easy aha.
The Doctors said she will get me help, and I got reffered to a place. They said I would be top of the waiting list and they should be intouch inaround 2 weeks.
I've not heard from them 4 weeks later. Its sounds impatient but I needed help. No one was there and I was fallling deeper into whatever I have.
Ive not been diagnosed but I know I have something.
Im not doing this out of attention as I know some people do. because Im not asking fro family/friends help. I myself just want to be better.
I dont want to feel unhappy whist I watch everyone enjoy their teens.
There is a saying. 'Its like drowning and watching everyone else breathing.'
Because thats what it feels like.
However, I am very happy to of found this group. Hopefully I feel better being surrounded by people who feel the same and isnt afraid too talk.
I'm just happier too of found this site, because this might get worse. however, this site might make me overcome it.