Oh please,….Give me a break!!!  Granted you HAVE lived with a man that has panic/anxiety but that doesn’t make YOU the expert in all things related to panic/anxiety!!!!!!!!   You call me “selfish” because I\'m not comfortable driving 2.5 hours (alone) to save your (big) ass from having to help out Mom & Dad.  Your husband hasn’t EVER dealt with agoraphobia!!!   YOU don’t even understand what it is and when you’re given the information (printed!!) do you bother to read it?…..Oh HELL no!!!  YOU KNOW ALL!!!!  I’m lazy and selfish because I fear getting out on a highway but YOU MAKE your husband drive you to work (5 miles from home) if there is so much as a half an inch of snow on the ground!!!!!!  

Oh and Lord help whoever doesn’t agree with you.  If it isn’t YOUR way,….Its WRONG!!!!!  Therapist are no help but by God I should find a “Good Doctor” and take all the medications that he gives me…….even if it makes me feel like I want to kill myself.  Damn it,.. It doesn’t matter, “Do what the Doctor SAYS!!!!!!”.        Hey,….Guess What???  MY Doctor told me NOT to take the meds if they were causing suicidal thoughts!!!  But did you listen to me?? NO!!!!!!!! 

I don’t know how many times I have apologized for not being able to get out of the house (or in your words, ”off my lazy ass“) and help out.  I was able to do it for 5 or 6 weeks but after having to put up with the tension YOU cause, I have to have a break.  And when you “stir things up” to get my attention  YOU cause me to fall further and further back.  Thank you very much!!! 

I have often said, “ I wouldn’t wish this on my WORST enemy” but right now,….I wish you had it ALL!!!!!!!  You need to be taken off your palatial “throne” and thrown in to a world where you don’t know what to do, who is coming up behind you, how to breathe, how to function, or how to handle everyday occurrences or noises.   You’d curl up in a ball and cry you F***ing eyes out.  ( just like I want to every other day of my life)

So, from here on out till the day that I pass, you are nothing more to me than a “sister” that I once cherished because you couldn’t take the time to understand ME!!!!! 

Oh and as for talking to mom and dad behind MY back,…I know all that you have said or implied or insinuated,  and believe me,….God will get you for that just as he will me for all the thoughts that I have had in the last two weeks.  I’ll pay for mine but do you have the faith to pay for yours???