I'm new to the community,… I actually found it on google…. and decided to join. I need to find help for my depression… and be around others that are having the same feelings as I.
I'm a single mom. I'm trying to do the best I can for me and my daughter. I know I'm not the only one going through this, and I need to vent from time to time. It feels good to be apart of something, and get the support of others. Many times I feel alone. I live with my family, but have the lack of thier emotional support. I'm lonley, and it's putting a wear on my body and face. I'm not the same person that I used to be. Often I look at pictures and get even more upset that I got myself to this point. People say I'm hard on myself… but I truly believe they are just trying to be nice. I know I've gained a tremendous amound of wieght. I moved away from NJ, and came to Florida to start a new life. However, it just made my depression worse…
I'm even more secluded than ever. Up north, I used to have a social network of friends that I used to have since high school. I truly miss them, and haven't been able to visit or go back, due to lack of money. It's been a year and a half and it keeps getting worse.
I'm sitting in the living room… and my family is on the coutch. No one pays me any mind. I can cry a river over here… and no one would even say anything. They are afraid to approach me. I never had the emotional support that I always needed. Growing up, my mother moved around alot… and always remarried. It always put a negative effect on me. I didn't have the same things that everyone else in school had… nice clothes, nice home, parents with a decent job. I just didn't have it…. I started working at the age of 13… washing dishes at local restaurant/bar that my stepfather worked at… he washed dishes also. I come from a long line of losers… and I always tried to break the chain. I never was ready at the age of 21 to have my daughter… but she's here now… and she's 7 years old. I truly love her… but I see myself getting more and more distant and angry everyday.
I work at a well known retailer… and I make only $9.00/hr… a major loss from what I was making up north in New Jersey. I still haven't adjusted to the change… nor have I embraced any friends since I've been here.
I know I'm jumping around… but it truly feels good to vent. I need to vent… even if others do not pay any attention to what I say… or if people think I'm stupid… or wordy. I just needed to sign up for this… to hear and share my stories of personal depression and pain…. so far.. .with this little message… I feel like I've taken 10lbs off my shoulders.
I hope to meet others on here that are serious about this site.
Because… I feel like I'm in darkness.