I'm new to the community,… I actually found it on google…. and decided to join.  I need to find help for my depression… and be around others that are having the same feelings as I.

I'm a single mom.  I'm trying to do the best I can for me and my daughter.  I know I'm not the only one going through this, and I need to vent from time to time.  It feels good to be apart of something, and get the support of others.  Many times I feel alone.  I live with my family, but have the lack of thier emotional support.  I'm lonley, and it's putting a wear on my body and face.  I'm not the same person that I used to be.  Often I look at pictures and get even more upset that I got myself to this point.  People say I'm hard on myself… but I truly believe they are just trying to be nice.  I know I've gained a tremendous amound of wieght.  I moved away from NJ, and came to Florida to start a new life.  However, it just made my depression worse…

I'm even more secluded than ever.  Up north, I used to have a social network of friends that I used to have since high school.  I truly miss them, and haven't been able to visit or go back, due to lack of money.  It's been a year and a half and it keeps getting worse. 

I'm sitting in the living room… and my family is on the coutch.  No one pays me any mind.  I can cry a river over here… and no one would even say anything.  They are afraid to approach me.  I never had the emotional support that I always needed.  Growing up, my mother moved around alot… and always remarried.  It always put a negative effect on me.  I didn't have the same things that everyone else in school had… nice clothes, nice home, parents with a decent job.  I just didn't have it…. I started working at the age of 13… washing dishes at local restaurant/bar that my stepfather worked at… he washed dishes also.  I come from a long line of losers… and I always tried to break the chain.  I never was ready at the age of 21 to have my daughter… but she's here now… and she's 7 years old.  I truly love her… but I see myself getting more and more distant and angry everyday. 

I work at a well known retailer… and I make only $9.00/hr… a major loss from what I was making up north in New Jersey.  I still haven't adjusted to the change… nor have I embraced any friends since I've been here. 

I know I'm jumping around… but it truly feels good to vent.  I need to vent… even if others do not pay any attention to what I say… or if people think I'm stupid… or wordy.  I just needed to sign up for this… to hear and share my stories of personal depression and pain…. so far.. .with this little message… I feel like I've taken 10lbs off my shoulders. 

I hope to meet others on here that are serious about this site. 

Because… I feel like I'm in darkness.

1 Comment
  1. mike_p 13 years ago

    Hi, I'm glad you found this site and you feel better after letting some of what's been on your mind out.  I can kind of understand not having the emotional support.  I too end up keeping everything in because I just don't have anybody around me that I can talk to about the important things.  I have my son and my daughter but ever since the separation they have been pretty hard to connect with.  I came on this website in search of some level of support and found that there are people on here that take the time to listen and care.  It's no replacement for actual in person conversations but it's something for now and it serves it's purpose. 

    I sincerely hope things start getting better for you.  Please don't hesitate to send me a message if you ever need to let something off your shoulders.

    Take care and God bless..


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