So….It's another day….Dad had an interview yesterday and he has two more next week, hopefully he'll get picked by one of them, Because my anxiety is rising.
Not because he's not working- I know he will get another job- but it's mom, She keeps getting into fights with him about it, and keeps saying 'what if we lose the house?" and shit like that, and so I have to be the peace maker for them.
Mind you, After I just got out of the hell hole hospital, I have to worry about my own medications, and physical therapy, and so on, etc. I can't be worrying about mom and dad and their ADULT problems.
Y'KNOW? It's just adding to all my problems and stress, and I honestly don't have the energy to spend it on other people anymore.
Also, Mom wants to take us 'out' today, when she's talking about out, she's talking about the mall today, I hate malls, they're crowded and loud and just UGH.
She says I 'need' new clothes, and even though she's gonna take me to Hottopic -With hesitation, since she still doesn't like the fact her daughter is a 'goth' or whatever- but I still don't want to walk around in public with my cane, and attract attention.
The cane isn't forever, but for now I HAVE to use it and I know people are going to stare or possibly say or think something. and I'm not a mind reader so I have no idea how to deal with it, or if I run into someone from school or something.
My mind goes crazy with thoughts, when I walk in public my head is staring at the ground and I start to shake, my heart feels like it's going to rip it's self out and beat it to death or burst. and I get panic attacks- major.
So….That's it so far today, the 'trip' will be this afternoon, so wish me luck. It's going to be the first time outside since i've left the hospital.
I guess i'll let you know how the rest of my day goes, Hope everyone else is doing alright…talk to you later