Hello everyone,

It's been a while since I wrote my last post and I am always so grateful when I see people comment on them, being helpful and nice to me. Thank you so much, it's being appreciated and you help me a lot. On this post, I am not keening for any help but if you want to comment on here, feel free to do it. I wanted to write an update on my life, maybe it's going to help me a little.

Right now, I just feel like everything is falling around me. I would start with something that is killing me the most- I am very jealous person. I just can't stand when I hear my friends talking about how they had fun without me or how someone was hanging out. It makes me sad even not be a part of the conversation for five minutes.

Before you are going to say that I am a very narcissist person, I tried to change it. I tried just to be happy about my friends hanging out with someone, I tried to get into conversationsabout something that I never got a chance to see, I would love to change it for good. But everytime they mention something I wasn't part of, I feel like trash. And I cannot help the feeling. I feel like I am not needed anymore, like I am not important. And I hate myself for being someone like this.

Next part is my family- my parents are fighting a lot. They were always fighting and I always felt sad about it but now, Ifeel miserable. I know that is a normal feeling. I told my mum that I can hear it and it's driving me mad. They weren't fighting for a while but then it was just the same story. It still is except my dad uses not so kind words on my mother. I love them both very much but it's making me feel depressed and I cannot wait until I am going to move out.

My anxiety- I still feel stressed about many things in my life and it's driving me insane. Like the points above. I started to have anxiety attacks again and I am worried that I will have them again at school. School is supposed to start next week and I still cannot get over the fear that I will have them at school where everyone can see it.

I started to feel very depressed two weeks ago but instead of getting better, it's getting worse and I am more and more thinking about ending it. Every day I just can't wait until I would fall asleep and I am miserable when I wake up. And I know that this pain is not worth it. I have family and friends and they are the reason that I don't want to do it. I know how much they would be hurt if I would end it on this world.

But honestly, nothing elsekeeps me on this world and I know I would end it if I don'thave them. I started to harm myself again. Because at least that helps me with my pain. I know I shouldn't but to be honest, I don't really care. I don't cut myself, just to make that clear. I hate this world and I mostly hate myself. For being here, for causing troubles… I know I am not worth it. Even my future is not important anymore because I know that it won't be happy anyway. But I am tired.

Like I said, you don't have to comment on this if you want to. I just needed to open about these feelings. You can see it didn't get better since last time. But thank you for reading this.

1 Comment
  1. NotShakespeare 7 years ago

    Yeah, i know this feeling that "everything is falling around" you. Do you know what's the best part of having yourself shattered on the ground?? Is that you can pick up the pieces and build yourself the way you want it to be! 🙂
    Be safe!

    0 kudos

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