Midnight as of this writing.

Have risen from my bed, after having wasted one and a half hours trying in vain to fall asleep.

It is now the second week of struggling with a massive depressive period, which I\'d like to call a "black hole" (not to be confused with the celestial phenomenon).

I can\'t remember the last time my depression kicked in this bad. I can\'t leave my home without getting overwhelmed with this here thing supposedly called "existentialism"; basically an overwhelming feeling of Life and trying to better one\'s own situation to be pointless.

I had an excellent weekend, but as soon as Sunday became Monday, I did 180 and went from a relative high to a complete downer.

After work today (yesterday really), I took the cat outside, hoping it would strengthen my resolve and get me motivated somehow. I met one of my neighbors, got an anxiety attack because I saw the cat trying to get out of its leash (she\'s an indoors cat, not well accustomed to being outside, so I keep her on a leash to prevent her from running away and getting lost/run over), and reacted by instinct by rushing towards the cat to get her to stop.

The cat, getting stressed out over the presence of a "stranger" and sensing my heightened level of anxiety (due to the presence of a neighbor and the added anxiety of seeing the cat about to escape), panicked and tried desperately to flee, running and jumping up into the air in an attempt to worm her way out of the leash.

We managed to get her stopped, but plaqued by fear, the poor creature started howling (or the cat equivalent of it – awful noise in any event). My neighbor, realizing that the cat was stressed out over her presence, left me alone with the cat, but the cat wouldn\'t calm down due to the fact that she could sense my anxiety.

I was too scared to pick her up (I\'ve experienced being attacked by a cat with a tail that thick, didn\'t want to experience that again), so I just kept her on the leash and allowed her to make her way towards the entrance to the building, but before we reached it, she managed to get out of the leash!

Yes that\'s right, it wasn\'t fitting tight enough (I\'m no good at finding the right compromise between too tight and too loose), and she promptly went and hid inside a bush.

I managed to get her back after waiting for her to calm down and opening the door into the building, but I was honestly getting scared that I\'d lose her and having to take the responsibility of a dead cat upon my shoulders.

Things didn\'t get better because I had to attend a meeting with my neighbors (forgot the English word for it), where we discuss budget and stuff. I hate those meetings, but my sense of duty forces me to attend them.

Upon finally getting out of that meeting and back into my own flat I was about ready to sleep (had trouble staying upright because I was so tired), but of course, I had to make dinner and stuff.

Dinner concluded, I go off to bed, but what do you know, I can\'t fall asleep because I\'m still on adrenaline and can\'t shake the depressive thoughts that render me enraged, sad and sinks me into despair.

So here I am, writing a blog about being depressed and unable to sleep. Ain\'t Life a beaut?

Why can\'t it be morning already so I can get to work and get tomorrow over with?


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