Am I alone in this? Please tell me I'm not.

If one angel can make me feel like I'm not a singled out soul sitting here with these obsessions I will feel better.

I've noticed nothing about my body is making me happy lately, the smallest thing sends me into panic mode. I have two wrinkles starting to form on my forehead, big deal, but I think I have used half of a jar of Clinque anti aging on that spot in the past week and a half. I've been bugging the hubby to let me get botox all while knowing I sound like a crazy person. I have baggy eyes a lot from the lack of sleep so I adjust the lights to emphasise my eyes in the bathroom while applying anti aging eye cream. It doesn't make any sense. I step on the scale and am happy with the number that comes back to me but once I look in the mirror, I see someone who is obese. I'm constantly pinching my skin to check for fat, sometimes I don't even notice I do it until someone asks me wtf. My skin is never clean enough no matter how many times I wash my face.

I exercise constantly, I obsess when I'm not exercising. I just did 30 minutes of yoga, it's almost midnight, yet I need to go running. Don't get me wrong, I'm scared of the dark so running where a bunch of coyotes and other wildlife roam at night won't happen, but I will obsess until I finally fall asleep.

I count calories obsessivly. Over and over…you know, just in case I forgot something. The sick part is here is what I eat on a daily basis: a banana in the after noon and a dinner. I can't get out of eating dinner because Jared will go on red alert so I pick at it as much as I can get away with. Except for tonight, tonight we went out so I "binged" (i.e. at a normal meal).

What is wrong with me? I can't live like this for ever. These are new issues too, just in the last two months or, but I'm already screaming for help, and it is already getting out of control.

2 Comments
  1. ktbothum 11 years ago

    hang in there, you are not alone.

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  2. ancientgeekcrone 11 years ago

    It seems to me that you are having one rip roaring episode of ocd. I don't know how you rev yours down. Is it time to see a therapist?

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