Remembering today about my anniversary made me feel a little better- it made me thankful for how far I've come. Maybe I have taken a few steps back and maybe I haven't, but in any case I'm a lot better off than I was a 4 years ago. I mean, I have to sort of accept that this is going to be a long road, from totally broken to perfectly whole and maybe I'll never get there, but being really worried about steps back and rushing myself in just a few years just isn't rational and isn't going to help. It's going to take some time.
I feel like I don't have enough time. In the line of work I'm pursuing, in the city I'm going to work in, it's very dog-eat-dog. I'm years behind because I spent ages being ill, and every setback makes me scared that I'm going to be sucked back into that hole, where I'm just miserable and crushed all the time and can't help myself no matter what. I don't know. I'm mildly depressed lately and I don't know how to fix it. There's no one I can talk to, just me.