For a while now i have been struggling with the ocd i seem to get better for a while then crash im back down but this time has been the worst im hardly going out and if i do my mum needs to be with me (i know pathetic) so obviously ive been signed off work for the past 2 months, i started self harm around the same time i got signed off work due to somethings that has came up in therapy something i have just kept to the back of my mind and not wanted to deal with and i thought nothing else could get worse for me then it did.

My brother and his partner of 5 month decided to get married they have set the date for August next year and his partner asked me to be her maid of honour something i should have been so happy about and excited but instead i was filled with terror.

She said she wanted me to be maid of honour as she knows i won't let her down but she doesn't know me well they have only been together 5 months and it's just the last couple of months the family have been getting to know her and with the ocd how can i support her and be there for her on her big day i can barely support myself and how can i wear a dress with the scar's on my arm from the self harming ive not yet got that under control, how can i go dress shopping with her i can barely get out myself, what about the hen night what am i going to do about that i will have to organise that and be there and i don't see how i can she has i think 3 or 4 sister's and quite a few friends she could have asked to be maid of honour WHY ME i know i will let her down i feel i can't cope with this not on top of everything else i feel terrible for feeling like this she seems a really nice person.