We as people are defined by who we love and how we love. We are defined by our able to have relationship with others. Why is it that the people we choose to love are the same people who can tear our hearts to piece. Honesty and loyality are suppose to admirable traits to have, something to hold dear and respect not throw to the side like use garbage. This could not be my lot in life, could it? Call me sensitive or whatever but I find it frustrating to put someone much into the people that I chose to love, and the people that I protect, are loyal to and try to be a honest as I can, see me as tool. Only to be use for the enjoyment of others. I ask the question who will protect me, my feelings, who will be loyal to me and have my back and who will be honest. When did I become an object to be picked up whenever and then sat down again until I am useful. Wanting to be respected does that make me crazy, wanting to get the same effort that I put in does that make me needy, wanting to be loved back does that make me weak. Because at very second of this makes me feel weak because I want to be respected, I want effort and I want love. What a frustrating moment. Being protected and wanting to feel protected again was buried and it is now resting with the only person who completely loved me and gave everything I needed. Giving so much and getting nothing back is draining. Another moment in time of frustrating disappointing moments. Being transparent to the people who claim to love you, drowing on dry land among people who eyes are closed and screaming in a room full on deaf people. Another moment alone with in my darkness, its familar to familar another moment…. I am feeling much like Tilikum cage and force to do tricks to make others happys all I wanted in return was to be giving my treat and be a good little whale. Instead I was abused and ignored. I try my best to do my best again I am abused and ignored its wasn't until I took matters into my own hands that those around me who asked to be to perform tricks and be a good little whale took noticed. Another moment a preventable moment if only someone would have just listened.