It's 10 AM in the morning right now. My Mother is in Florida and she had asked me to stay go to the house so my Dad (he had worked all night) could sleep while her friend dropped off her car key's before she headed out to Florida, too.

I was eating some cereal and petting Sammy on their couch, when I heard my Dad's voice on the phone. He was arguing with someone very loudly from his (my old before I had moved out), bedroom. At first, I had thought that it was my Mom. He argued in a similiar fashion and I preparing myself for awkwardness. Obviously, my Dad had no clue I was home, or else he wouldn't have been so direct and loud in his conversation. It was pretty straight forward.

"Oh, I'M messed up? I'm insincere?"

"Yeah, you're always blaming everyone for everyone. It's never your own fault." *This is a common one with my Mother*

Now here's where I suddenly note that it may not be my Mother he is speaking with:

"And you say I have committment issues?"

"Yeah, but I didn't just … I didn't force ANYTHING on you."

"OH, no, you're going to pretend that you called me everyday? I told you, my new job is 12 hours, I told you that would screw me over!"

"SARAH!" *I changed the name but by this whole point it's become apparent to me that he's cheating and that it's NOT my Mother. In fact, he even goes into more details!

"You told me that you had fanatasies about us! I came over to your house for like several hours! Remember when I ate dinner? NO! That's not what happened. I did not force anything on you. I'm A MARRIED man, for crying out loud. Now you want space!?"

By this point he is so angry he steps out of the bedroom, sees me, and swiftly hurries back in.

I had known his behaviour had changed drastically since I had moved out. After I moved out, he stopped coming home from work. He claimed he was spending time with his buddies. We found joins in his back pocket and cigarettes.

My sisters report that he'd leave for hours and tell us he had just went to get some gas or to the flea market.

He has been married for 22 years.

My Mom had initially brought up him cheating on her a year or two ago. Back then, him cheating seemed laughable. My Dad was always a funny, well liked guy, and he was brought up to be a caring, semi-religous guy. I had tohught my Mom was being unfair and crazy when she had first mentioned it. After all, I had plenty of guy friends, some I KNEW who crushed on me, and we all hung out and there was never any distrust.

He was a young Dad who liked to spend his time driving us all over the place, buying us presents, making us happy and laugh. He worked hard.

The trouble began 8 years ago with the news that his long-time paper company was closing down. He had been there since he was 18 and now he was to lose a permanent job. He lost his job and had to get a new one at a steal mill. He did not like it. Then he found a pickle company. He loved his job. He made friends and gained back a social life.

In 2006 sick, his sister, who had diabetes died from an infection in his leg.

In 2007, his mother (his father had died when he was just 2) had two strokes and became permanent disabeled. She died in 2008 much to all of our tears. My Dad lost his his mother.

This year, he found the Pickle Company was to move to the States and leave him jobless and away from his friends.

My Mom sleeps a lot and always go to Florida once a year. Because she sleeps most of the time, and wakes up at 3 AM often, she doesn't notice him vanishing for hours at a time. She argues with him frequently, and has been for many, many years.

His excuses became bothersome. He began to leave his fatherly duties to my two sisters, and began saying things like we wanted to 'control' him, and that he wastes half of us life driving us.

He was recently diagnosed with diabetes.

But it's all confirmed. I tried to make excuses for it. I tried to ask him straight up with him lying straight up. I said; "Are you cheating on her? We're not stupid. You're leaving us for hours at a time, not telling us where you are going…"

I feel cold. I wanted to cry but I maintained a straight face and pretended (when he came out), that I hadn't heard anything. I always viewed my Dad as a family oriented man; one who was devoted and wouldn't slick down to cheating.

I don't know who he is anymore.

All I know is, I'm numb.


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