November 15th, 2017, 6:43pm
So the past couple of days I definitely overate and went over my calorie limit. I’m not proud of it, and I keep doing the same thing over and over again.
I keep saying I’ll “eat healthy” and I do, but in the depths of the night, I binge. I realized that I wasn’t changing my attitude or my ways, and that’s why I kept going in a horrendous circle.
My friend have be 4 ominous pills that she said will speed up my metabolism. I took one today and I didn’t overeat. I know there’s still at least four hours I’ll be awake, but I’m hoping that I won’t binge.
I know I say every day that tomorrow will be my healthy day, and it hasn’t. But I’m going to say this one more time.
Tomorrow will be my healthy day.
I think the root of my problems is just the allure of food. The warmth in my belly after I overeat. The physical substitution when I can’t get the mental shit I need.
I’m sure as hell no therapist, but I think my depression definitely feeds into my binge eating disorder.
My mom is the complete opposite of supportive, and that also goes for the rest of my family. I have no ways of getting a therapist unless it’s online and free, and I’m afraid of doing that.
I’m hoping that over the few months until New Year, I’ll be able to figure out my BED and I’ll even be able to fix it for 2018.
It’s going to be so hard and so scary for the holidays coming up. But I really hope it’s a learning experience. The holidays will definitely test me and my will, but I hope it will make me stronger by the end.
If anyone who might possibly be going through the same thing is reading my blogs, we’ll work through this together, trust me 🙂
We all are struggling to thrive in this harsh world, but I am confident that with hard work, we’ll be able to.
That’s it for tonight