So mom had to go to the er last night.no sleep for four days and she passed out on the asphalt she was face down when i found her..dad had came over for them to "talk" so he took her to the er..she was shaking..he said she had been doing that all day though..nerves. well this morning he went to work.and kept calling me at school..i told him i had a exam and he was like alright..talk to u later..like he had something to tell me.he called after i took my exam which i did acceptionally well considering my life at this moment..~read my last four blogs if ur not up todate~ well afterward he called me and otld me he couldnt stay he was going back to his appartment and to tell my grandma to come up and help mom that he wasnt able to help her at this point.

shes been doing better all day though..i knew before she did he wasnt coming back..seems it always ends up that way..she cleaned the entire house and got tons of groceries…she kept talking about how she was going to change and how she was going to cook him supper tonight..when he called her and told her she took it better this time..she remained calm..not many tears…which is good..she went to go get prozacc filled and some sleep meds..i was like the doctor gave u prozacc?! he gave her zolft to..those must be the world wide happy pills …geez..

then she asked him if he wanted me.that she needed time to herself.that kinda hurt a bit..after all ive done for her when he left..my ocd has strong times everynow and then..the extra stress hasnt worsened nor helped it any i dont think…mom has become nicer to me atleast..i was freaking out about a chair she put in my room and told her to not set anything on it..and she was like okay  and we can move it soon..i was suprised she agreed so calmly..without saying im weird..or mocking or cussing me…duno what it is about that chair but i dont like it. also im ocding about my clothes..especally underwear…i have to have them just right to wear them….the sperm deal never goes away..my ocd has me thinking those guys are like special forces..so its still a stress to use the restroom…

oh yeah..mom is gonna cut the home line off..so that means no more wireless or internet..i can get on here on my phone but not the IM part…i will log on as much as i can here till it goes bye..then i will try on my phone..its such a pain though..stupied touch screen..my next phone wont be.

so i was eating those rich chocolate cherries..man the expensive ones are good with that clear juice..another good thing..i still weight the same ..with my clothes on..i thought i would gain from stress but havnt..i find myself nibbling stuff..i sleep good though..like a rock most of the time.i need to start working out hardcore again..im so close to my goal…well thanks for reading you all. laterz.

Had a bad day, don't talk to me,
gonna ride this out,
My little black heart, breaks apart,
with your big mouth.

And I'm sick of my sickness
Don't touch me, you'll get this.
I'm useless, lazy, perverted,
and you hate me.

You can't save me,
You can't change me,
Well I'm waiting for my wakeup call,
And everything, everything's my fault.

Went to the doctor, and I asked her,
to make this stop. (whoa)
Got medication, a new addiction,
F*cking thanks a lot.

I had to relapse, I'm bad at rehabs
It ruins everything. (whoa)
So point your finger, at the singer,
He's in the pharmacy.

You can't save me,
You can't change me,
Well I'm waiting for my wake up call,
and everything's my fault.

You can't save me,
You can't blame me,
Well I'm waiting here to take a fall,
and everything, and everything's my fault.

1 Comment
  1. ancientgeekcrone 13 years ago

    I’m sorry life is so topsy-turvey.  I think the poety is pretty good.

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