This is the first blog i ever wrote actually. I am an extremely frustrated and at a point right now where i dont know what to do. Ive had many obsessions in the past but none that has consumed me like this one. to tell this obsession ill start at the beggining. I recently got hired on to a new position around a month ago at the company i work at. My new position involves testing cables to make sure they pass electrically. To set up the machine i use to test these cables involves use tiny little parts. About a week into my job i had several people tell me that these pieces are very fragile and are also very expensive. I was told that if i accidentally would knock one on the floor it would break. and theres only two kits in the room. Within about a few hours after hearing this my anxiety started to kick in. I began thinking what if i did knock one of these to the floor and it broke. What would i haveto face? Would it be a huge ordeal? The guy who is the lead tester there is a miserable person. How would he be if i had to deal with him after i broke one? Since then ive beenable to think of nothing but this. Every day its constant anxiety, all the time!! From the moment i wake up in the morning i just have this sickening anxiety feeling. Ive tried increasing my zoloft which was suggested by my psychiatrist. I see a therapist weekly who continues to tell me to face it and live with the anxiety. "Yeah thats so easy" And about two weeks ago i talked to my supervisor about it and she told me if it happens its not the end of the world they can be replaced. That talk also did nothing to help. At this point im seriously considerning the possibility of just walking out if i would break one of these. at least telling myself i can do that provides some relief. I know this is not the best answer for a reference in the future or to help beat my ocd. But at this point im desperate and would do anything to just feel some relief from this constant anxiety. I don't feel anybody should have to feel this way everyday. its no way to live!! Thanks for listening. Id appreciate any feedback I get. Im beyond desperate for relief!!!!!

6 Comments
  1. ancientgeekcrone 12 years ago

     I'm sorry, I don't have any help. I would have reacted just like you in such a situation. I never bought a lap top because your only get to drop it once. Wish you well This is a case of being overimpressed instead of under impressed.

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  2. SheridanFaith 12 years ago

     That would make me anxious too, and it doesn't sound like your therapist is giving you any constructive ideas for dealing with the situation! It sounds like possibly you could use a more helpful therapist.  Also, is there any way that you could go back to your previous position at the company? (Assuming that it was less stressful than the current one and that you were satisfied with it.)  Good luck!! 

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  3. billdoor79 12 years ago

     The advice from your therapist isn't bad, it's just difficult to implement. With other obsessions, i.e. having to tap your foot X number of times before you can walk through a doorway, you're supposed to just walk through normally and let the anxiety build and build and then pass. You're facing your fear and then seeing what happens when you don't do your compulsion, and the answer is nothing. So I guess the equivalent to that is to just break the fucking thing deliberately – not the most practical advice though:-)

    The problem is the amount of importance that you're placing on this thought or to be more accurate, the amount of importance that your OCD is placing on this thought. Your supervisor has already told you that it wouldn't be the end of the world and they can be replaced. You wouldn't be fired if it happened and you wouldn't need to walk out.

    I was recently taking driving lessons and my anxiety went through the roof every time I was in the car. What if I stall at the front of a big queue of traffic? What if I veer into a wall and damage the car? What if I cut someone up? What if I lose control and crash into another car? What if someone walks out in front of my car?

    The answer is that all I can do is focus and stay safe as much as I can, and other factors I have no control over. At the moment you're giving the fearful questions all of the importance and you need to switch that to giving the answers all of the importance. Stay focused, be careful with your equipment. Every day that passes without incident is a success. Recognise the thoughts that are your own and those that are from your OCD, and give your own thoughts the most attention. I hope you can get the better of this.

     

     

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  4. chez 12 years ago

    billdoor79's advice is great. I know how you feel i would feel exactly the same way in you'r position but i am wondering if you'r fear of breaking this piece is all to me it sounds like you are anxious about what the lead tester aswell. What his action or reaction will be you said you spoke with you'r supervisor and it was fine maybe you should also have a word with the lead tester aswell and see if this helps any. I hope you can get through this living with constant anxiety must be terrible good luck.

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  5. rainingoctober 12 years ago

    My OCD would have made me want to break one right away, I would have had to touch it, and maybe throw it up in the air some… or I would have had some bad thoughts. But, we have to power through these things, we have to fight these obsessions. If we don't, they will win. And life is for us to live, not them! Hang in there, you are not alone!

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  6. dgesrt1085 12 years ago

    Thanks evryone for your advice and for listening.  Im trying to make it through work one day at a time.  Also have a new med so im hoping i get some relief from the constant anxiety.  Thanks again

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