My best friend keep saying he wants to see me drunk,iv never been drunk but only drinking minor just to shut them up. every year or so he says you have to get drunk its either in his birthday party or new years eve or a random summer when he suddenly plans a party. in greenland it cost alot to have a party or just drinking generally. sometimes i think if i should, but most of the time i think if i start drinking i might not stop because i have so much crap building inside of me, and all minor emotionally crap i get to feel i hold on to that i am afraid might be true. i always wanted to drink or do drugs to ease my mind off from crap, but i know better about myself.

i want to say things are looking better lately, but it somewhat hasnt. i am confused what i want to choose for the future, job, education, and i am as lonely as i have been for the past years. time is running out, and i am stressed about it its not really helping out with stressing over it.

iv met some old classmates, they have a kid now and jobs after education. they ask me what i am doing, i hate that question. i used to be one of the top students, never late, doing homeworks quickly and somewhat good grades. then i started thinking about if i ever going to get older. finding someone that i like who likes me back, or even a friend who understands and talks with me. now i have friends we dont share any emotions, only interest of things we like to either watch or play games. iv never even kissed, and that really bothers me. since i was a teenage iv always kept my real thoughts about my future to myself, that i would killmyself before iv aged too much. i have accepted that i cant live on this planet as it is, and i cant seem to change my mind on it.