I felt like writing today… just because I am feeling a little better today. Friday night was really bad. I miss Nick a whole lot. Jay wasn't here to calm me down – so I just had to ride the mood out. My best friend was to busy to come over. So it really did suck.

I don't like getting depressed so easily. But at the same time I can't help it. It just strikes me. When it strikes everything seems to come forward. Including things from years and years past. I become sad about them all over again. I just don't know how to explain it.

But it did pass and now I am ok. I really do think that things are getting better. Because before I couldn't even feel ok with out being on pills. Now I'm not on pills and I can feel ok.

I was day dreaming about Washington ALL day long yesterday. Sometimes I wish I could just quit my job here and just leave. Pack my things and never look back. California holds nothing but bad memories for me. There's nothing down here but my family and some friends. But I never see either. So living in Washington would have about same results in that matter. Escept I would be in a place I love. I know at first I will be scared, I was when I was in CT, but it will be different cause now I support myself =) I pay my own bills. I just hate fake, plastic, smoggy California. I'm trading it in for a place with cleaner air. But I know I have to have a significant amount of money saved up before I can even move. That's what holds me back from completing the dream. Even if I save from now till the end of the year… I will still only have $2400 and thats not nearly enough to move. *sighs*



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