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Hi

So i'm new to the site and ive been going though alot over the last 7 years. Thats along time to keep all of this in. Ive had a rough time dealing with my Grandpa and Grandma dying within 1 year of one another, then finding out my other grandma has cancer (5 years cancer free so far). And uring this time also losing my dog that i have since i was 3 (i know seems not so big but he was like a brother to me). so all that within 1 year is alot for anyone to handle. And now because all of this my dad is suffering from depression, from losing his dad and his mom getting cancer. My mom became an "orphan" losing he mom (and her dad years earlier). So i tried to put this all behind me and move on. Finished high school got a boyfriend and had a great job. Turns out after 2 years the boyfriend cheats on me breaks my heart and i decided not to go to college and put it off for a few more years. Had my first thought of suicide. Thats when i finally realized i wasnt doing good with all that was happening in my life and went to see a doctor. He said i too like my dad was suffering from depression. He put me on meds and things seemed to turn up. I met a great guy a year later feel in love with him and everything was amazing. I finally figured out i wanted to go to college for nursing got in and just finished my first year. School was great and i loved it. My love life with the guy not so good, fought alot broke up on and off. Needless to say this made my depression worse, thought about dying and killing myslef most weeks and even thought of ways to do it. About janurary i wrote a suicide note and planned out my death. I was ready to die i had come to terms with everything. i wrote notes to my family telling the why i killed myself. But then i got a call from a friend and i decided to hold off my suicide for a while. See told me she was getting married and needed me to be there for her that day. So i decided i could last till she married and be there for her. So i finished the school year by boyfriend helped me to move back home and just like always we fought to the point where i grabbed a knife and was ready to plunge it into my body. He stopped me i moved back and broke down and told my parents everything. they took me to the hosptial and i tked to someone and was put on a heavier med. Everything looked pretty good. Till my boyfriend and i broke up, he went out with girls right away and really hurt me. 3 weeks later i'm alone and more depressed then every and m afraid of what i might do to myself. But dont know who i can talk to.

Well i know that was long but it did feel good to get it out. If anyone has anything to help message me.

Aloneandafraid

1 Comment
  1. ancientgeekcrone 10 years ago

    Welcome to DT.  Depression can be chronic.  It helps to journal each day.  It is one way to keep track of yourself emotionally.  The meds help clear your head.  The journal will help you know yourself.  Knowing yourself will lead to clues as to how to heal yourself.  A therapist serves as your guide.  Books on depression give you information, so that you can become knowledge about your condition.  A combination of these factors plus time leads to balance.  Balance makes life livable.  Sounds simple enough; but, believe this course is anything but simple.

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