i tried talking to the boy i like, the player. He doesnt seem to care so why should i continue to try and get him to understand that when you freakin have sex with someone you are now connected with them… theres like chemicals. i wanna disconnect from this kid but i just cant. if he could only get how i feel. hes just so fake but soo charming. im so stupid… what a mistake to make. why couldnt i have had sex with someone WHO CARES. i cut earlier and im so not proud. i mean i stopped cutting for like 5 months and then all of a sudden everythings crashing down. i hate it. but the other day my friends were smoking weed and asking if i wanted some and i said no. i was pretty proud but i dont know, my friends got so confused. and i cant handle all the pressure and stress. and finals are this week at school and im not ready for all these tests. i have a paper due tomarow and all i wanna do is go to sleep. so im now going to be up untill like 2 doing alll my homework and wake up tomarow and break down off the fact that i just dont wanna go to school. i hate school. i hate the envirment of school the teachers i hate school. although i do love my friends but i cant get through the day without running in the bathroom and crying sometimes. i just hate it and i feel like im going to blow up soon. theres just so much a person can handle. i wish i could just sleep. and sleep. and sleep. and never have to worry about the mean people and the pressure and everything. i just wanna crawl up and sleep and wake up with peace. even though my friends are here for me and my family is here for me i still manage to break down everyday. whats wrong with me?