Katrina and I have been going out for a little over a year and I love her so much. In times of great darkness she is my light, she pushes me to be better every day. I love seeing her smile and I love it when she and I are together. If you look at the top of the blog it says that I'm sad and It's because me and her are at a disadvantage to other couples: I'm 18 just out of highschool and she's 17 trying to graduate, so you can see how we can both be busy. To make things worse, her parents are really controlling and rarely let me see her. I think her father has a problem with me but she says he's jelous because I'm a new man in her life and I take her attention away from him. Whatever the reason it really bothers me. I mean I love her so to death and most times all I want to do is to make her happy because thats all that make me happy.
Most nights I cant sleep because I'll put her to bed and then as soon as shes asleep I feel alone and overwhelmed. Having anxiety at night is horrible as I'm sure plenty of you already know. Sometimes I get so histerical I cant breath through my sobs, it's the worst pain I've ever expierienced.
I think my anxiety stems from a mixture my past (disfunctional/abusive family) and my current set of stress issues. The horrible thing is It's really begining to tear us apart and I cant get her to understand that I cant help it most times. I can say that the only reason I'm here it to learn to deal wit this better so I can bring me and her back together as tightly as we once were. Right now I feel like we've drifted apart and it feels like we're really close friends and not lovers. This is hard to explain in ways that dont make it sound bad, but I want everyone to know I love her and that I'm not happy with how our relationship feels and I want to get better so we I can be strong so I can fix it. I really want her to know this because I wan her to read this after I post it. I want her to read it out because sometimes I write better than I speak and I need her to see that I want to be better and I want us to make it. Katrina I love you baby.