Her name, which we shall alter, will be "the red head". The red head is one of my best gals; granted,she wasn’t part of the original posse but she was inducted when she moved in with my two best friends. Nowlet me start by saying this…I knew what I was getting into when I met her, I knew her abrasive and blunt manner of speaking and acting was going to be an issue, but NEVER was I prepared for the path of destruction she was going to lay out in front of meand my best friends when she moved in with them.
Like I mentioned in my last post I don’t live with them so my exposure to the drama is minimal,but the red head still finds ways to permeate my daily life with stress. I spoke tomy therapist and upon catching her up on the issue; she basically said I need to remove my ties to this girl, my mental health being the main reasonbecause her behavior triggers my obsessions and social anxiety.What I need from you lovely people isanyadvice that allows me to try and keep the red head at a distance so that our friend group remains functional and together.Or, if you feel that I would just be better off ceasing contact all-together. I will admit, I am a pushover and a conflict shirker. I often allow others to take advantage because I obsess over offending someone or hurting their feelings to the point of exhaustion, so the problem may be completely mine in the end and any advice for that is welcome as well!
For context purposes, some examples of her reoccurringbehavior are as follows:
- Her most characteristic conduct is her need to make someone or everyone her punching bag. I often call her the porcupine because if you catch her on an off day or she is just feeling mean, she will poke you with a quill or two (or a bunch in my case). She does this because she refuses to express herself in any healthy form but then expects others to be accepting of her issues. I am often the victim because in the past I have allowed the behavior to continue and been too afraid to call her out on it, a mistake on my part.
- The next most common issue is that she refuses to handle any issue in person. Her go to means of contact is texting, which I can’t stand, and her talent seems to be the nasty, sarcastic way she words her messages. For example, the one she sent me the other day started out fine, but got ugly quick. It basically stated “hey could you possibly bring the parking pass back tomorrow? You know some of us have friends too who need to use it.”
- Another issue that I face with her and one that really upsets me is the fact she NEVER apologizes until you drag it out of her. Her trademark is to explain why she behaved the way she did or said what she said, but she never acknowledges she is wrong or says sorry. I often discuss this with my gals and we have come to the conclusion that this is pretty much all we will ever get out of her. The saying I have adopted is “you may have gotten an explanation, but remember, it wasn’t an apology”. In addition to this, when she does have a spat with someone, she acts like nothing happened the next day but brings it up later as a grudge she’s held onto for months.
There is so much more that she does but the major issues were listed above. Any and all help is greatly appreciated and I promise I read every bit of it even if I don’t respond! Thank you all so much for bringing me into a community that outstretched its arms and offered me love without question!