Cry

Hi. I've delt with depression for several years now. I blame most of it on my husband, but I know part of it I inherited. My Uncle tried to kill himself once. I don't know any of the details though. I haven't tried to although I have taken extra medication just to see what would happen. I just wanted to know if I could do it. I am in so over my head financially. My husband keeps hurting me in everyway imaginable. I finally got  mad over a dislocated wrist and a hysterectomy that had to be done due to the abuse. So I started shopping to make myself feel better and less alone. I took my daughter and bought her all the cool clothes she wanted. Now we are so indebt I can't even begin to start. I have to fight the urge to kill myself just so they can pay the bills off.  I'm so scared I'll do it. My husband makes it out as a joke that I think about it. He doesn't think I'll do it. The only thing that keeps me going, is knowing that I would be leaving her behind with him and her brother who would also abuse her. My husband hasn't hurt her, but her brother has. He's jealous I think because My husband abused him on & off until I told him that I would put him jail if he touched him again. It was too late though. too much damage has been done. My son had it bad between my husband and his father. They were very mean to him growing up. I hate that for him & that I didn't do anything to stop it sooner. My son started hurting me too when he was about 13 or 14. My father stepped in though and told him he would beat the shit out of if he touched me again. He still threatens but hasn't hurt me too bad. I worry about my daughter though. I tell her she deserves so much better everyday and to get educated and self supporting. I think thats the only reason I'm still here. I screw up so much and haven't been able to keep a job for more that a year or two except the one I have now is going on 3 years, but its a bad job. I get paid great but I hate what I do everyday. I just want to know how to get help. My husband thinks my depression is a joke and that I just need to get a hobby. Any advice would be appreciated. Thanks

1 Comment
  1. Terri_ok 11 years ago

    Well last month I tried to kill myself and Im back there again. Nothing is goin right. He hurt me again and the kids tell me to get counseling. I cant do it anymore. We are about to lose the house and he'll kill me anyway. I dont know what the use is. Is there any  help out there?

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