Today has sucked so far. I got about 4 hours of sleep and then had to go walk 2 hours to get a drug test done for the new assignment and drop off the time sheet from last night…After 2 hours of walking and finally getting there I realized that in order to get the drug test I need to have a picture ID, I was so tired this morning that I forgot it at home. And the center stops doing drug tests at 12, so even if I ran all the way back home and back 1. I'd probably die and 2. I most likely wouldn't make it back in time. So I turned in my time sheet and tomorrow I get to walk back there to take the drug test; which will be late now because I forgot my ID.

The thing is, deep down inside I have this want to blame other people for all of this, for me having to walk for 4 hour, for me having to work in general, for me getting to bed so late, for me having to wake up early. But it's just a feeling, I want to pass the blame onto other people, but I'm not going to.

Yesturday me and my boyfriend got into a bit of an argument, I honestly think it really just boils down to money. It's like when we have money everything is wonderful and then if we don't have money for a long time then things just fall apart. Last night he was complaining about driving me all the way to Putnam (which is about an hour drive). The thing is, when I was asked if I wanted to do the assignment I told them to hold and asked him if he could take me to Putnam he said yes…nothing else, just yes. I don't know if it's me, but whenever someone asks you to take them somewhere and it's far away I'm used to the conversation going like this "Hey, can you take me to _____." The other person "(Yes or no), it's about ______ (hours or minutes) away."

But ya…last night I made enough so that now we have enough money for rent. I think what kind of gets on my nerves is that

1. For probably the past 2 months he hasn't brought home any money, so he's been losing money at work. He's had to drive 2 hours to work every day, and it has been costing us about $50-$100 in gas a week. So that's about $300-$600 that we REALLY need right now.

2. Ever since we moved here my boyfriend has basically been feeding in to his "culture's beliefs" which is basically he fully believes that when a woman has a man then the woman should stay at home, clean, cook and take care of kids, while the man brings home enough money for them to live comfortably. Honestly, I would have absolutely no problem doing that if he'd keep up his end of the bargin. Because when he was coming home with about $700 a week I gladly cooked and cleaned for him, because the way I saw it, he was taking the stress and burden of me having to work so I gladly did things for him. Now…not so much.

Like last night (really 3am this mornng) we got home and he starts playing Wii and what does he do? "Baby…I'm hungry." I just about screamed at him to go make his own damn food, but I figured that since he had waited the entire 6 hours in the car while I was working I'd go make him something to eat, a reward for doing that for me.

Now this morning I woke up and the thing is, when I went to bed I set an alarm on my DS, he played it last night and guess who forgot to set it again once he was done playing? So when I woke up early this morning it was basically because whenever my alarm is on I always wake up before it, I don't know why but I just do. So I got lucky by waking up early. But ya…I came home after walking and he's still asleep.

I'm going to go take a shower, eat something (didn't have breakfast when I left) and probably cry…I just feel like crap right now. I'll probably take a nap sometime through the day.

  1. kallie 11 years ago

    Hello, I am sorry that you are having a difficult time in your relationship.  Hang in there and talk to him, communicating is key (unfortunately, I had to learn the hard way).  I can look back now and see that I thought my husband should have been able to read my mind somehow and know what I was thinking, feeling, etc – I have been divorced 10 years and it has taken me that long to realize what I did and I have to accept 50% of the blame for the failing marriage – not to mention the failed relationships before that.  Anyway, enough talk about my past, I really hope things get better for you soon in everything you do.  Take care and I hope to see you in the chat room soon. 

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  2. ancientgeekcrone 11 years ago

    Are you sure you and the boyfriend are a good match?  The views of the roles of men and women sounds like a deal breaker to me.  This can only get worse.  The more you break the mold, the more he feels ripped off, the more you conform to his ideas, the more you feel ripped off. It also sounds like the two of you together will have a hand-to-mouth existence.  Thus a life filled with arguments and accusations.

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