I found this place by accident today and it seems to be calling to me. I am seeking a place to share where there is frequent posts, not those two years ago things.
I have Major Depressive Disorder and have been diagnosed as such since 1997. I am sure I have had it most of my life, but at least all of my early times now have a label on them. I have taken Prozac, Xanax, Zoloft, Paxil, and Effexor. I was just switched to Viibrid and I am not sure what I think yet. I am going to guess that those of you that suffer from depression know what I mean when I say that the medicine helps me to not be depressed, but I am not happy. I am frankly NEVER happy anymore. All I feel is worthless and pointless. My personal and professional lives are messes. I hate to show people how I feel because I am sure they are sick of me by now. I struggle everyday to get up and put on that face that says "I'm Normal". What is that anyway? I have worked at a job for 30 years and have only just done OK. No one will remember me or what I have done.
I have tried for the last year or so to find another job in my field and I can't get one. There are jobs but they don't want ME. Divorced with three kids – 20, 17 and 13 – the only one that SORT OF needs me is the 13 year old.
If I could just get out of this life, would it stop? Will I rot in the coffin or is there REALLY something else up there?
It just isn't fair – life just isn't fair. Why can't we just be fine? I don't even know what it feels like to NOT second guess EVERY thought or feeling that I have. Am I being 'sick'? Or is this real? Am I imagining what I see or is it real?
Do you know what I mean?