I wrote this to feel better

It didn’t make me feel better

I used to wake up every morning to watch the sunrise

Before very long I stopped

Not because of the morning haze or my distinct dislike for sleeping early

I stopped because I realized, every morning the sun would rise

and you would never get to rise with it

I realized I would, I had

And, that feels so unfair.

I realized you would’ve loved this

I let myself think maybe if I encouraged you too, you would’ve woken with the sun

I remind myself a chromatic sunrise couldn’t have saved you

But,

maybe I would’ve got another day.

Another smile

Another phone call

Even if it’s just one more I’d be in bed by 7(PM) and 4(AM)

I guess that’s what everyone says though, isn’t it?

One more day

One more smile

But nobody wants just one more

We’re selfish

I’m selfish

I want all the days

I want every smile

I want you here, with me

I want you to grow, I want you to see me grow

I want to hear you say my name a thousand times

I want every sunrise

I want us