Well, I'm a dim wit. I forgot to do my FIRST POST! So here it is 🙂

Hi, I'm Simeon (Simi) Russell. I'm 19 years old girl, and my anxiety controls my life.
I have had one "problem" after another. I was diagnosed with ADHD, and dyslexia when I was 4. I was put on ritalin, after trying a few other like-meds. From the time I was two years old until I was eleven years old, I was sexually abused by my "uncle". Whos last name was put on my birth certificate. SO I lived with that for 18 years.

When I was in middle school, I had friends. Not many close friends, but enough friends to be called popular. Then all of the memories of abuse began resurfacing. I lost all of my friends, and gained 40 lbs.

People say that you can't be smart and socially-able at the same time.
So damn true.
I was an A+ student all the way through highschool. but had no friends. I had a boyfriend for 3 years. Which would have been impressive if he hadn't been abusing me. Then it's just sad. Which it is. So for 3 years I was emotionally, sexually and physically abused by yet another man.

Then I got my first job! I was working at a small cafe and I loved it. I was so confident, and happy. Then my boss began hitting me. Literally. I didn't tell anyone though.

When I was young, my parents had some issues too. Not like, divorce issues, but issues. My mom is a German, with a green card. But that card too 20 years to get, and she got it 3 years ago. But it was an endless, stressful battle. My entire childhood was stress. We didn't have a house, or a home, and we were afraid every day that any of us would be swept away, and never brought back. More stress.

I went through a period of time when I pierced every possible part of my body. And I got tattoos. I was dying my hair so much that I almost went bald. Twice. Every time I dyed my hair once, I'd be so insecure about it that I would dye it again. Even if it meant stripping my hair of black and blue, and making it white. Only to dye it orange. I was never happy. I had 18 piercings, 4 tattoos, and no hair. I was so messed up.

I have so many phobias. Heights, loss of control, being Fat, being abandoned, eating something I'm allergic to.
I'm a big BALL of anxiety.

I have eating issues.
1) I am allergic to so many foods. Lactose, gluten, kiwi, eggplant, cinnamon.
2) I have been strugging with eating disorders as long as I can remember. I remember being five years old and looking at my cousins and being jealous of how skinny they were.

Now, my life is threatening to fall apart, yet again.
My parents are losing faith in me, and my boyfriend doesn't believe a word I say. I'm thankfully passing my class, but for how long?

I'm going to a New-Age therapist, and making a visit with my doctor for some meds.

Trying to get my life back on track, and be able to keep it on track!

I am excited for some avid blogging, and some interesting comments and discussions.

  1. Chantale 10 years ago

    Welcome! I\'m sorry to hear about all that you have been through. You will get alot of support here without being judged. I am fairly new and I look forward to coming to the site every day. Take care of yourself. I hope that the therapist is able to help you out. I am also on meds and personally, I don\'t think I could survive without them.

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  2. stinkerbell63 10 years ago

    I\'m sorry you\'ve had to deal with such awful things in your life & you\'re only 19. I can\'t even imagine. I can relate to the severe anxiety though. It affects my life horribly every day as well. I\'m trying everything I can to get it under control too. So, I\'m here if you ever need someone to talk to that understands what it feels like.

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