It's rubbish having social problems. Just realised someones been trying to make it obvious they wanted me to go away but i couldn't even tell untill they actually had to tell me the next time i saw them. People would rather be by themself than with me!Not just one or two but every single person in the world. What the hell do you do when you don't even know where to begin and nobody wants you when you do try. SO i'm somewhere inbetween trying and not trying. Why is everyone horrible to me when it should be obvious i'm having a horrible time anyway?Because they're in it for themselves thats why.People only talk to me if theres something i've got that they want which is very rare but then they fk off again. Am i the only person that wants a person? I just want an actual person who will talk to me and be there for me all the time A.K.A: a friend. Nowdays people don't have friends anymore, but sidekicks in selfish missions of self indulgence! I'm trying to find angels in hell.

It makes me want people like us to kick their ass and fk them over it really does. They're so horrible and people like that shouldn't be on top but it's survival of the fittest isn't it. It's not the people but their similar ways and social rules that i want to fk over. It's some sort of messed up thing that i can't get to come naturally towards me where it's not about being there for eachother but about being there for you damn self, no it's not!I don't even really know what it is if anyone can explain but it's the same as in school and bullying and stuff like that but a much more discreet form of bullying. I almost wish it was typical bullying instead of mental. I wish people would just beat me up instead of completely ignore me and not have the respect to explain why. It's exhausting questioning all that your whole life.


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