ITs been a yr., since my x left me after I took care of him when he had an arterial dissection of the cortorid in the brain non operable and i lost my life literally, all my wordly posessions my childrens legacy, my home, my vechicle, my friends and so much more. I cannot no matter what find insperation in my life, I constantly long for death. i am taking care of my elderly mother and in charge of everything. I'm stuck with no way to care for myself and my family, no car, np job, no anything. i'm so sad, as i write this tears are falling like the snow that almost took my life in NC when he left me alone with no food , no wood to stay warm, no car, no anything , no hope.I have no way to get help. i can't sleep. He never even thanked me for saving his life for taking care of him through the dissection, he just left and is with someone yrs., younger than me. i cannot trust anyone any more, i am afraid, so afraid, i have lost my way as i have no quality of life, no direction, no reason to get up in the morning so i sllep as much as humanly possible which is hard.I miss so many things I miss Shay, she was my best friends daughter we were like so close, I miss roy, i miss the river , i miss having a life….. I sit here in one room in the basement of my mom's home. it has a small window covered by the upstairs deck, I have no electricity upstairs, so i'm stuck down here , she smokes and i'm allergic to cig., smoke. i'm sick all the time, the house is fulol of filth, i can't even remember what its like to have dinner sitting at a table as hers is covered in blood from her testing her sugar and wiping it on the tablecloth and med's papers from incerts from ads , etc. but it is her huose, so she doesn't care if i'm happy or not, there are roaches,the walls and ceiling are painyed dark beige i guess. the filth runs down the walls, the beds are piled up with stuff the floor has food and boxes and i don't even no what on them, i grew up in this house and my grandparents would freakout over how nasty as this little boy put it thids place is. I am a clean organized person,she constantly puts me down and tells ppl , i don't understand things. God i wish i were so dead, h-ll i can't even afford to die, lol. When summer comes the grass will be knee high and the neighbors will of course look at me like why don't you do something. I have no say, no qualityof life, i have no one, nothing to look forward to except taking care of someone else that doesn't appreciate me. I'm so dark, angry, hurt and bloody, i'm trapped, the comp., is all i have left and its dying , once its gone i will be trapped in this room with no way to connect wit the world…….I am crying again, I've cried enough tears to wash my dishes. lol. I don't have a phone any more so i can't even make a phone call as my mom monitors my calls and really doesn't want me using the phone, but even if i had a phone, there's no one to call anymore, I'm so alone……..
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Always confused
alwaysdrinkin, , Depression, Borderline Personality Disorder, Depression, Medication, 2
For over 10 years i've been in a mental state of confusion. Not knowing myself, always listening to my...
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You don't make me happy
mindseye, , Depression, Anger, Anxiety, Depression, Domestic Abuse, Parenting, Relationships, Sex Therapy, Sleep Disorders, Suicide, 0
At my parents'' house at the moment. I have an awful fucking cold. And the air is so dry...
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Reveries of the Solitary Clicker
SaltWaterDrinker, , Depression, Anxiety, Depression, Mindfulness, Sex Therapy, Weight Loss, 1
Interesting short piece in the NY Times yesterday. Given all the talk I see on this site about mindfulness,...
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So I spoke to soon….
Mz_Unda_Std, , Depression, ADHD, Child, Therapist, 0
As I had stated in my update that my lil one was having a good school year…. apparently it...
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Resisting Happiness!
Lauren1208, , Depression, 0
What is resistance? it’s the feeling of not wanting to do something you know is good for you. Resistance...
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None
sadviolinist, , Depression, Child, Depression, Questions, Sleep Disorders, Suicide, 1
Because of the tragedy that occured today I have to take a moment and and pray for those who...
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My Mouth gets away from My Brain
Iris.Dar, , Anxiety, Depression, LGBT, Marriage & Family, Teens, Uncategorized, Wellness Tips, ADHD, Anger, Bipolar, Depression, Lesbian, Gay, LGBTQ, Medication, PTSD, Therapist, 1
Many of you have known me for a while, and I think you all know what I have been...
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I'm going to meander…
SorrowfulPoet, , Depression, Bipolar, Depression, Infidelity, 1
Think about this: Today will soon be yesterday That is a strange thought that ime moves past us–but that...