Last night was bad enough that I'm still feeling rather sensitive today. I'm already upset over my classes, absolutely terrified of failing. My Dad is really riding me to graduate and I'm afraid of having to withdraw from yet another class. He'd be so furious with me so I'm afraid that I'm taking on too much.

I have 14 credits: Digital Asset Management (3 credits), Web Foundations (4 credits), Media Law (3 credits), and Beginning Italian I (4 credits).

I asked my adviser about adding another class and she emailed me back to say that "with a 3.38 G.P.A., you may attempt to take another class. However, I am told that Italian can be challenging as can your other classes. So if you begin to feel inundated, be ready to withdraw from one of the classes."

She didn't discourage me but she sounded hesitant. It was enough to make me break down in tears. I figured Italian would be hard and that maybe one or two other classes would be a pain but I didn't really think it'd be bad enough to worry over.

If I remove Italian, I have to replace it with something as I need to take at least 12 credits each quarter. But I really wanted to learn a language and I wouldn't know what else to take in its place. But I only have the first week to drop a class and the first week is never a clear indicator of how the rest of the quarter will go. I could withdraw later in the quarter but I couldn't pick up another course in its place and my Dad is already really mad at me. He says that I don't "have my act together".

Keep in mind that his uncle graduated high school and went straight into retirement. He's such a joke around here that everyone laughs at him. He and his sister can't even take their own medication. My Gram, who is older than at least one of them, still takes her own medication and has a hand in paying her own bills. Neither one of them can manage on their own, my Dad has to sort everything out for them and even then, they still mess it up sometimes.

And my younger brother, who is 19, graduated high school by the skin of his teeth, didn't read his graduation letter and thusly didn't request a gown and was one of like four kids who didn't have one. He doesn't know how to fill out a resume or a job application and doesn't do any chores at all around the house. We're talking about people being incapable of doing the simplest things for themselves and that's okay. I'm the eff up. I just know that he's why I'm so upset over my classes, I'm afraid to piss him off.

I know he and I are going to end up in a fight sooner or later. That or I'll break down bawling and he'll let up, one way or the other. =/


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