I have had different ocd symptoms. Usually my symptoms are irrational:
-1st symptom: I moved in a new house and i started to feel anxious.I felt like unless i leave the house the anxiety won’t stop.
-2nd symptom: walking on the street i steped on something. It was night time and i was going home. All night i had a thought that i should go back and step on the object again.
-3rd symptom: one day i observed a hole in a wall and i started to wonder why the hole is not closed.
-4th symptom: i wondered what is underneat the earth. Is there an open space over there, trying to see that space.
-5th symptom: what is beyond the visible blue sky( i am trying to see what is there).
-6th symptom: Why can’t we see the air. I try to see it. Compulsion: i watch the smoke.
-7th symptom: what is inside my head. i want to see how ideas are processed inside my head.
-8th symptom: why can’t we see inside the stomach. I try to see inside my stomach.
I become so anxious because i am not able to do those things. My obsessions are like curiosity: why can’t we? what if?
I was prescribed different ssri and augmenters that controlled pretty well those obsessions: paxil, zoloft, risperdal.
As for my latest symptom, I do not see the relation with the above: My mind is not anymore able to generate ideas as it used to. One can talk about a thousand topics, ask me a thousand questions, i cannot find words to connect. I can’t elaborate on subjects like before. I can’t keep a conversation. Overall I feel like i lost my intellectual and language abilities ( by the way i was very smart and brilliant).
I do not see an obsession in this last case. Nothing is irrational here.It is a fact: i cannot communicate like before. I do not get ideas to do so.
The doctor thinks it is another obsession and i have been trying all sort of anti obsession for 2 years, still no improvement.
But i think it is not an obsession. From my experience and knowledge, an obsession is based on an irrational thought or a fear and I do not see the connection with this. I believe this is another mental disorder, but which one?
What i do not understand though is that i have ideas when it comes to talking about my condition. But other than that my ideas disappear.
Please give me your thought. I’ve been suffering for 2 years , i am so depressed, hopeless and helpless.