So its 3:30 in the morning, I just had sex with my boyfriend, yet I still feel so fucking alone. I feel sad, I feel empty, I just hate feeling this way, I don't know what is wrong with me, and I feel like I'm never going to be okay again.

I've been trying to get on medication for almost a week now, but the doctors office will not call me back, its like they don't care, what do I've to do to get medicine, kill myself? Or attempt to? I don't want to feel this way, I want to feel better, but no one seems to care.

I feel like its never going to get any better unless I am back on my medicine, and no one seems to want to help me get on medication, would it be different if I was diabetic, would it be easier to get medicine then, but I guess having depression and anxiety and suicidal thoughts ins't as big of a deal.

I've been taking my pain pills, even though I am not in pain, because its the only thing that helps me get through the day. I just am at the end of my rope right now. I want some help, but I guess its impossible to get right now. I've insurance, I just need the prescription, and i don't understand why no one wants to help.

Maybe I am just destined to feel this way, and this is what I've to look forward to for the rest of my life. So I guess I should just get use to feeling this way.

I'm going to take my sleeping pills and try and sleep and hope I can get through tomorrow without cutting, but I really don't see that happening, because the urge to cut is really severe right now, but again, its nothing that I can talk about to anyone, because people see people who cut themselves as freaks/attention seekers, and pathetic people who don't deserve to live.

SO yay, this is how my week gets to start off.