It's been awhile since I last posted on here. Looking back, I realize I was at my lowest I've ever been. I was ready to shut the world out and throw away the key. My anxiety was much bigger than me and I was so so depressed…but I've gotten better. I'm seeing someone new who has issues too, but we support each other, He's taught me that life sucks and you just have to keep going, no matter the pain. And that It's ok to cry, its ok to breakdown and not want to breathe. But then you have to wipe your face and keep moving (I tell myself that part). I have a new job that doesnt deal with customers at all. I live back with my mom, and its driving me crazy, but i have no choice at the moment. My bills are still overwhelming but i'm doing what i can to survive. Twice this past fall, I thought about just getting in my car and driving away. I was going to head West…then i thought about buying a plane ticket and land in a foreign country. But i was afraid. My anxiety has gotten alot better. While I still cant go into most big stores or even the mall, I am accepting the possibility of never entering a mall again. I havent been abke to take my anxiety meds in a few months due to insurance, but its ok cause it only bothers me a few times a month. I honestly am just going through the motions. I work early in the day and go to bed by 4 or 5 in the afternoon so i dont have to participate in life's issues. i know its not the best way to live, but currently its all i can do to stop thinking. any suggestions? sorry for the long ramble, but i figure anyone reading this will forgive me. Smile for now, hold back the tears

~Vahme